


Vader's Lament

by yahootoldyou



Series: Girl Anakin [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, M/M, girl anakin, vader is a sarcastic shit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-16
Updated: 2016-11-22
Packaged: 2018-07-24 09:02:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7502301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yahootoldyou/pseuds/yahootoldyou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Her children are dead, her husband is dead, her old master has abandoned her. The only one left is this shadow, this thing that used to wear the mask of friendship but has stripped it, revealing his evil core. She has no choice now, he is all she has left. She made the wrong choices, now she gets to live with them forever.</p><p> </p><p>or the one where Anakin is a girl and Padmé is a boy and the story is almost the same but there are some important changes</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Mustafar-Malachor

**Author's Note:**

> star wars is owned by disney not me. Enjoy!

When Anakin opens her eyes briefly it’s through immense pain. She knows that the children have been… removed from her, she can feel the bright spots of light across the corridor where they are being tended to. She also feels her old master, Obi-Wan lingering around, his force signature having returned to the source of comfort and light that it was, even if it was drenched in sorrow. She doesn't know where she is or why, but it probably has something to do with giving birth to her daughter, the one she had felt so strongly within herself. She almost goes to call out for Obi-Wan when she remembers-

 

“Anakin, you’re breaking my heart! You're going down a path I cant follow!” His words had blinded her with anger. She had given everything for Padmé, so that he could live! She remembers choking the life out of her husband when Obi-Wan had appeared, her worst fears recognized. They weren't going to force her to choose between them, they were going to leave her! With each other! Anger and hatred had pulsed through her body, her actions uncontrollable as her and Obi-Wan dueled, the life slipping from Padmé the further she got from him. 

“Anakin, Chancellor Palpatine is evil!” Obi-Wan had shouted, hoping to remind her of the past, the ideals she had defended.

“From my point of view the Jedi are evil!” She felt it rip through Obi-Wan, stripping him of his compassion little by little. 

“Then you are lost!”

The memories are suffocating her. Memories of kneeling before Palpatine, one of her closest friends, being dubbed Darth Vader, Lady Vader of the rising Empire. Memories of Padmé begging her to not do this, to run away while they still could and raise their beautiful baby boy, the one he had been so sure of while she yearned for a girl. Memories of the deadliest battle she had ever fought against her old master, the one she had loved so strongly, had fought beside millions of times. Memories of her killing the children barely older than her own in the temple simply because they had been gifted to the Jedi, of slaughtering people she had grown with. Memories of dark pleasure as she did so, earning the praise from her new master and getting closer and closer to peace. Memories of Obi-Wan removing her remaining limbs, sending her tumbling to the ground near the lava on her back. She remembers…

“I hate you!” 

“You were my sister, Anakin! I loved you!” And she remembers passing out.

 

-she stops, looking around the medcenter. She knows now she has no arms or legs of flesh, Obi-Wan having removed them and minor burns before he had pulled her out, trying to save her children. The pain she realizes she’s been experiencing rears back full force and Lady Vader screams before promptly passing out, cursing Obi-Wan mentally. 

 

Obi-Wan watches from behind the one sided window, knowing Anakin cant see him. She is a painful sight, having lost an arm and both legs to his lightsaber on Mustafar. Her lightsaber hangs heavily on his waist and he knows he has to make up his mind quickly on how to proceed. There is a part of him, a large part of him, that wants to hand over Anakin to the remaining Jedi and allow them to exact their revenge, but that is not the Jedi way, and he could never subject her to such a brutal fate, no matter her atrocities. He’s alone but not for much longer, Yoda and Senator Organa are on their way and Obi-Wan has to get rid of Anakin before they arrive. Yoda will kill her, he’s sure of it and no matter what he cant allow her death, he loves her too much. Good for you, Kenobi, you loved her so much you let her slip too far and become a Sith, he chastises himself in shame. 

“Anakin, I am so sorry.” He whispers as he watches her, knowing what he has to do. She suddenly screams and Obi-Wan knows she had momentarily been conscious. Their force bond lays in shambles in the corner of his mind and he knows that she is lost to him, no matter how much he wishes otherwise. The woman he loves has fallen and if her children stand a chance then Obi-Wan has to rid her of any and all opportunity to taint them. The darkside surrounds his former padawan, the partner of his life, the one he was so sure would be with him when he died, and he knows, more than anything else, that he has failed.

Padmé had passed away hour ago in surgery and Obi-Wan grieves him, one of his oldest friends, as he looks at Anakin now. Anakin had married Padmé, married him on Naboo after the first battle of Geonosis and Obi-Wan feels his heart grow heavier. Oh, Anakin, if only you had trusted me instead of that man, he thinks sadly. The children are calm in their cradles, comforted by the droids who were created for this purpose. Obi-Wan looks at Anakin now, having just gotten word that Organa and Yoda would arrive in a standard hour. He has to do something with her now, or there will be no chance of her survival. Obi-Wan takes a deep breath, making the hardest decision of his life in that moment. 

He launches her tattered body off in an escape pod with minimal life support. He knows he has either saved or damned her and finds that he’s not sure which he hopes will come to pass. The force has always been with Anakin Skywalker, he's sure it remains with her now. He doesn't know for a very long time, not until Lady Vader makes her first appearance for the Empire, mechanical limbs hidden under black leather and dark cape billowing behind her. The scar over her eye gives her a hard edge as the galaxy starts to grasp that the age of heroes has ended and Anakin Skywalker stands at the top of it all, once a great Jedi loved by all, now a Sith feared by all. The public doesn't connect them surprisingly, the dark figure too deadly for the comparison to be made because Anakin Skywalker would never do this, the public is sure. When she starts to wear the mask, Obi-Wan is almost relieved, he doesn't want to see Anakin’s face destroying the universe on the holonet anymore.This all fills Obi-Wan with grief but he straightens in the shady cantina and returns home. For little Luke, he decides and continues with his lonely life in the wastelands while the person he would’ve given up everything for slaughters hundreds of innocents. 

 

 

Anakin awakens again in surgery as the droids under her Master’s lead heal her body, replacing her limbs. She’s screaming, pain overriding all sense as she gets her makeover. The dark intent rolls in the room as she blacks out again from the pain of her surgery. 

When she awakens, Palpatine-no Sidious, smiles at her underneath a thick robe. She feels her mechanical legs twitch and an ache shoots through her where her flesh meets the durasteel. Her medtable rotates to a vertical standing and Anakin discovers she's cuffed to the table. She looks up at her master and implores with her eyes, a desperate glint having shown in them.

“Where is Padmé? My children? Are they safe? Are they alright?” She’s almost frantic, the people she needs, her family, she must know where they are.  
“It seems in your anger you killed them.” Sidious drawls and Anakin feels her soul shrivel, feels her heart split under the weight of her actions. She reaches out into the force for them but finds that Padmé’s familiar presence is gone from the galaxy.

“No, that’s impossible! He was alive, I felt it!” Her rage reaches blindly crushing the metal surrounding her as she brakes free from the cuffs and stumbles off the table on new legs. Like an infant, Palpatine sneers mentally. Anakin collapses on her knees, her sorrow drowning her as she realizes she's ensnared in the dark, that she chose the wrong side. Her children are dead, her husband is dead, her old master has abandoned her. The only one left is this shadow, this thing that used to wear the mask of friendship but has stripped it, revealing his evil core. She has no choice now, he is all she has left. She made the wrong choices, now she gets to live with them forever.

“No!” she drags it out, her sorrow, drowning in it forever. Anakin doesn't remember the medbay she gave birth in, doesn’t remember Obi-Wan’s soft goodbyes and hopes for her survival. It might be better this way.

 

 

Darth Vader terrorizes the galaxy in the name of the Galactic Empire, constantly searching for Obi-Wan Kenobi, the Jedi that robbed her of everything she had ever loved, including himself. She does this in the name of peace but she knows it isn’t, its control, Palpatine’s control, and she hands it to him on a silver platter. Obi-Wan is hers you see, hers to control, hers to kill, her master of old, her love, her partner. They had never shared the bond he and Padmé had but they were intertwined until the end of time and Vader thirsts for the connection she’s lost, the familiarity. She knows Palpatine thinks she does it out of vengeance and she does, to an extent. Mainly though, Vader just wants her loneliness to end, she wants her friend back, the one who refused to join her. She hunts Jedi down, slaughtering her old family and taking deep pleasure in their recognition of who exactly it is that is ending their reign of tyranny in the galaxy. One Jedi in particular, Luminara Undulli was hunted and killed by her on a distant planet in the Outer Rim. As her red lightsaber sliced through the woman she remembered how her padawan betrayed Ahsoka and in turn forced her from the order. A small voice in the back of her head reminds her that it was Ahsoka’s choice to leave and she shoves it aside violently. When she meets her wayward apprentice she will join her in her pursuit to rule the galaxy or she will die. Just like the first time she abandoned Anakin, it will be her choice. 

 

 

The Sith temple is radiating dangerous energy as she floats her TIE down, standing on top of it. Her presence spooks the boy with the holocron, one look at Vader enough to almost make him pee himself in his pants. Vader stifles a cruel laugh at his discomfort.

“You have unlocked the secrets of the temple, how have you accomplished that?” She knows she sounds condescending but she doesn't care, this rebel scum has messed with the wrong Sith.

“You’re smart, figure it out” The boy, the padawan, is brave, she’ll give him that.

“No matter, the power within will soon serve the emperor.” She dismisses him, knowing he is no match for her power.

“I don’t fear you!” He shouts and Vader wants to laugh because of course he does, she can feel him drenched in his fear through the force. She decides to have mercy though and not taunt the boy seconds before his death. 

“Then you will die braver than most.” This is true, he has shown intense bravery for standing up to her here, no matter his death. This is something Vader could almost honor if the boy wasn't a Jedi. Alas, the Jedi curse is always getting people killed. The boy looks up in fear at her and she sighs heavily.

“Perhaps I was wrong-“  
“It wouldn't be the first time.” And there she is. After all this time, the apprentice that abandoned her has returned.

“It was foretold that you would be here, our long awaited meeting has come at last.” Vader greets her, she doesn't want to kill Ahsoka but she will do what she must in the situation. The facts are that she and Ahsoka no longer fight for the same side and Anakin may or may not hold a strong grudge over Ahsoka leaving her behind at the height of the Clone War. Vader doesn't always honor Anakin Skywalker’s whims, she was weak and foolish, but this one she will, she remembers all too well the pain of Ahsoka’s departure. The lost of her little sister.

“I’m glad I gave you something to look forward to.” So much glib, such disrespect. Does Anakin not deserve better? She may be Vader now, having purged that name from her forefront but she knows their history deserves better than this. And is that betrayal lurking in Ahsoka’s eyes? How peculiar…

“We need not be adversaries. The emperor will show you mercy if you tell me where the remaining Jedi can be found.” Tell me where Kenobi is, young one. I’ll spare everyone here. Anakin tries to push towards her via the force but their bond was severed long ago when she left and anger threatens to escape her at the thought.

“There are no Jedi, you and your inquisitors have seen to that.” There is spite in her tone and yes, bitter angry betrayal. How dare she, Vader seethes, she abandoned the Jedi, abandoned me, first!

“Perhaps this child will confess what you will not.” Thoughts of Kenobi refuse to let Vader drop the subject, so now she has to goad Ahsoka into disclosing it. 

“I was beginning to think I knew who you were,” Ahsoka pauses, her breath hitching, “behind that mask but its impossible! My master could never be as vile as you.” Vile?! Outrage floods Vader as she stares her old apprentice down, yellow eyes glinting behind the mask Vader wears for protection. It lowers her voice, mechanizes it, makes her appear more dangerous.

“Anakin Skywalker was weak, I destroyed her.” She sees the sorrow and the anger on Ahsoka’s face. They had been so close once, Vader does not know why she had left in the first place. She never would've hurt Ahsoka before, but times had changed.

“Then i will avenge her death.” Such finality is in Ahsoka’s voice that Vader seizes up, offended yet not. Ahsoka is willing to give her own life to try to avenge Anakin Skywalker’s. As if Anakin Skywalker does not in some form still stand before her. 

“Revenge is not the Jedi way.” Vader says, igniting her red lightsaber.

“I’m no Jedi.” She pulls out two twin white lightsabers and charges. Vader doesn't know why she was expecting green since they were lost on Coruscant but the shock at white almost catches her off guard. 

They battle until Vader throws her off the edge of a Temple wall and Ahsoka soars towards the bottom. Vader turns away, not wanting to see her old padawan die no matter how much she’s been betrayed. She turns back to the Temple to handle the rogue Jedi and his apprentice when she feels a danger approaching in the force. Ahsoka had caught Vader by surprise clipping her across the mask. Good thing I have this, Vader thinks, otherwise my arrogance wold’ve been my end just now. She’s lying on the ground, regaining her stance in the force before calling out to her wayward apprentice. 

“Ahsoka!” Ahsoka stops where she is, obviously having heard Anakin’s voice through the gaping hole she put into her mask. 

“Anakin!” She gasps turning to face her, seeing half of her face gleaming with the sickly yellow of her eyes.

“I won’t leave you! Not this time.” Ahsoka declares and Vader feels it crunching her insides. Is this not what Vader wanted? Is this not what her original goal had been? It didn't matter now, Ahsoka would never side with the Sith and despite what she clearly believes to be an olive branch, Vader isn’t willing to corrupt her any further than she has. A thought that truly surprises her. She’s going to kill Ahsoka, that is why she is here.

“Then you will die.” 

She leaves the temple unsure of her old padawan’s survival after it explodes. It’s better this way, she knew nothing of Kenobi anyway.


	2. Death Star - Bespin

She stands in the viewport, looking out at the planet of Alderaan she feels memories of Padmé threatening to break through to the surface of her mind. The girl looks so much like him, brown hair and eyes warm enough to melt Hoth. The young Princess is struggling against her grip, trying to lash out and attack everything in the room. Tarkin has just ordered the destruction of her home planet, the one she has known all of her life. Vader can't sympathize, if someone told her they were going to blow up Tatooine she would rejoice. If someone told her they were going to blow up Coruscant she’d ask them to just make sure the Emperor was home when they did. Attachments to such a trivial thing as a planet seemed silly but then, if it was an attachment to her people… The part of her that remains Anakin Skywalker wants her to let go of the Princess, to let her unleash hell on the room, but Vader holds on tighter. The Princess screams when they unleash the blast from the Death Star that will be the end of the planet. Vader finds herself considering how much the girl reminds her of a young Anakin; angry, spirited, thirsty for a vengeful sort of justice. Dread fills her; a girl with the looks of Padmé Amidala, who shares his diplomatic talents and charm and reminds her of Anakin Skywalker. If her child… her baby girl… hadn't died maybe this would've been what she was like. 

She doesn't get time to consider the saddening thought further, Tarkin is ordering the Princess returned to her cell for further questioning before her execution. Vader, now angry at the girl for evoking emotions she once considered long dead, roughly steers her back towards her cell. The Princess would be gone soon enough and the painful reminder would be gone with her. Good riddance.

 

 

When Obi-Wan shows up again on the Death Star, Vader has been waiting for this opportunity for twenty years, enough time for her to push aside personal connections and be ready to exact her revenge. The man has aged considerably, now almost unrecognizable. The part of Vader that loves tells her that this is something she can’t do. She did it to Ahsoka and she did it to Padmé, she can’t let herself kill Obi-Wan Kenobi. The part that hates strikes the thoughts down, urging her to exact the revenge she deserves. 

“I’ve been waiting for you, Obi-Wan. We meet again,” Vader states as she moves forward from the shadows, her red lightsaber lit at her side. She looks at it through her mask, wondering how they both got so old. In a bold move, she removes her mask, long blonde and grey curls falling down her back. Obi-Wan’s breath almost catches in his throat but he contains it, knowing that Anakin is more machine than woman, emotionally and probably physically as well. Age has worn on her features, new scars etched there as she looks at Obi-Wan in disinterest. The lack of emotion in his former padawan startles him, the once bright supernova is now a barren ice slope, perfectly composed. He moves as gracefully as he can in his new age and stands in a battle pose, lighting his lightsaber.

“When I left you I was but the learner, now I am the master.” She circles him, admiring him with tired eyes. They shouldn't be here, shouldn't of spent the last twenty years as enemies, hunting and running from and hurting each other. 

“Only a master of evil, Darth.” Obi-Wan says it in such a way that it sounds like he is apologizing to her and yet still judging her. Anger flares in Vader, she wants nothing more than to rise up and strike Obi-Wan where he stands. She doesn't technically have to rise, she’s always been taller than him, much to the shorter man’s dismay. Sabers strike at each other, the battle moving slowly, Vader too hesitant to be fully on the offensive after Mustafar and Obi-Wan too old to be as steady in Soresu as he once was.

“Your powers are weak, old man,” she taunts him, wanting him to lash out at her first, to ease the tension and proceed into actual fighting, not just this waiting game they've settled into. It’s a dance they’ve been rehearsing since the beginning of time, Obi-Wan and Anakin, Kenobi and Skywalker, the team to end all teams. Apparently, they were the ones who got to end each other as well. 

“You can’t win, Darth. If you strike me down, I’ll become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.” Darth Vader sneers at her old friend, the force echoing around her in large gasps. The force says he is telling her the truth. She strikes anyway. The troopers have caught up to them now and she realizes the rebels are escaping with the princess. The princess who she tortured for information, the princess whose home planet was destroyed. Was she even considered a princess anymore? Obi-Wan looks over his shoulder before raising his saber to line vertically with his body. She takes her opportunity to strike just as a shriek of, “NO!” rings through the corridor. She lifts her head, looking at the blonde boy who dared to interrupt her vanquishing of Kenobi, her long awaited revenge. The boy strikes a cord in the force but Obi-Wan has disappeared within his cloak, holding Vader’s attention. Vader’s shock gives Luke and Solo the chance to run and they do. Free from the Empire. For now…

 

 

When Vader watches the Death Star explode she knows that Sidious is going to hold her responsible because she's the only one left alive. Her TIE Advanced is floating through space waiting for the Executor’s retrieval of her. The rebel pilot who destroyed the Death Star had had the force with him, so strongly in a way Vader hadn't sensed in a long time. It should've been easy for Vader to shoot whoever it was out of the air and end their life but they had been an excellent adversary, knowing how to fly with impressive ease. She shakes herself, she can’t admire the rebel the way she almost had been just now. A huttese curse rips through her lips as she takes the mask off and tosses it to the side in frustration. Was it that boy? The one who had resonated in the force onboard the Death Star? The one that had been with… Obi-Wan? Fresh rage strangles her and she breathes heavily for several minutes trying to calm down. So, Obi-Wan had taken on a new apprentice wherever the kriff he’d been for the last twenty years. Vader shakes with anger and jealousy, a new ache in her chest. She had been replaced. In that moment, Vader swore that she would kill this boy, have further revenge on the man that had ruined her. Obi-Wan, she reaches out into the force blindly knowing he’s passed on, I will kill this insignificant boy and when I do I will have secured your failure for all of eternity. She hears the faintest laugh trickle through the air and decides not to question it. It might be better this way.

 

 

When she encounters the young padawan on a ship she watches him with sadistic glee. He holds the lightsaber weakly, his form unbalanced. How much had Obi-Wan truly taught this foolish disgrace for a padawan? Vader would sickly enjoy tearing his life from his body as she had done to so many others.

“You hold that weapon like an untrained child,” she taunts, knowing the boy clearly lacks training, “you, boy, are no Jedi.” He seems offended, looking at her with narrowed eyes. Vader removes her helmet, casting it aside. She figures if the boy is gonna ignore her and respond with facial features he should be able to see hers as well. Shock flicks across his face, he clearly didn't realize the mask comes off. She smirks, ready to kill him more now than ever before.   
“Who are you?” She asks bitterly, the snark still evident in her tone. The boys eyes narrow further. 

“You killed my mother!” He exclaims loudly, petulantly. Clearly, whoever this mother of his was, she didn't do a good job raising him. His attitude was childish.

“I have killed very many mothers, you’ll have to be more specific.” The boy strikes poorly, raising his lightsaber above his head and opening up his midsection for Vader to easily strike. Her lightsaber crackles at her side but she doesn't take the fatal blow, instead meeting the young boy’s weapon. She wrenches it from his grasp through brute force, calling it into her hand. She is about to cross off his head, making a large ‘x’ shape when suddenly, upon further inspection, she discovers she recognizes the weapon. 

“Wait… This lightsaber. I know this weapon.” The boy scoffs and looks over his shoulder, clearly looking for a path of escape. 

“This weapon belonged to…” She continues before the boy rips the weapon from his grip with the force, sprinting down the corridor. Vader easily could've stopped him but she allows him to flee, next time they meet his life will end. She wont allow shock to disengage her from her mission. She bites down the bitter jealousy that rises within her. Obi-Wan gave her weapon to his new apprentice. HER lightsaber, the one she used next to him in war. Rage fills her once more as she stalks back to the main hangar.

 

 

Vader looks across the galaxy, her helmet at her side. Boba Fett had been sent to gather to boy or at east information on him. When she hears the door to the hangar open she turns and faces him. 

“Well? Did you find the boy?” She asks in a tense voice. Fett was alone so if the boy wasn't on his ship he didn't have him. Rage threatens to over come her just as he begins to answer.

“No, Lady Vader. He managed to allude me but I did get his name.” Fett was paid well and yet all he can bring her is a name? Unacceptable, She’s about to tell him so, about to choke the life from him when the force warns her that this is something she needs to hear.

“Very well. Out with it.” She’s still facing the viewport, looking out at the galaxy as she hears the name that will change her life forever, that will change history forever.

“Luke Skywalker, Milady.” He bows respectfully before taking his leave, knowing that more than likely his remaining there will get him killed.

Vader is hit with memories she’d rather not recall, memories of a desperate Anakin Skywalker racing to get home to Coruscant to tell her husband the news she’d been hiding so carefully out in the battlefield that last couple of months. The only one who maybe knew of her pregnancy was Obi-Wan and even then she never straight up told him. She remembers Padmé grinning like a madman, telling her that that moment was the happiest in his entire life. That he couldn't wait to be a father. She remembers picking out names and nursery colors for when they went to Naboo to raise their child together. Some of her happiest memories she’d locked away two decades prior because she’d killed Padmé and their children, hadn't she? Apparently not because she had a son. A son that was the rebel who destroyed the Death Star. Pride fills her before she shoves it down. Maternal instincts are kicking in and she wants her son safe by her side no matter what. The galaxy is a dangerous place and he’d been in too many risky situations already. Her plans had shifted and she alerted her Admiral that now they were not to be searching for a random rebel but they were searching for Luke Skywalker. I will have my son by my side, she swears to herself darkly. 

“Skywalker,” she says out loud, fists clenching at her side. The glass has cracked like a million spiderwebs in front of her and she stays, looking out the window for several hours. 

 

 

Vader arrives on Hoth too late. She feels that Skywalker is on the planet but is actively engaged in the field whereas Solo and the Princess are here with the Millennium Falcon. An evil smirk spreads across her face as she realizes that she could bait her son with his friends, giving him no choice but to come join her in return for their release. Too easy, she thinks to herself, thankful that her son is naive enough to fall for something like that. Much like you would’ve, an honest voice that sounds too much like Obi-Wan tells her and she violently shakes the notion away. She stalks through the rebel base at a steady pace, tracking the rebels. The goal here is to get to Skywalker, after all, and that has proven to not be… simple. The opportunity that has presented itself here to her provides ample bait for a Skywalker. Skywalker's are reckless and stupid and loyal to the very end so all in all… It doesn't matter, Skywalker would be with her soon she was sure of it. 

 

 

Not easily done after all, a voice inside her head questions and she’s livid. The Millennium Falcon soars away from them, constantly avoiding their tractor beam. No matter, her men will catch the garbage pile Han Solo calls a ship and she will focus on locating Luke. Clearly distracted, she almost brushes right past Admiral Piett who clears his throat loudly to halt her in her steps.

“Lady Vader,” he calls her attention. Because Piett his her most competent and trusted underling she spares him the anger running through her veins. 

“Yes, Admiral, what is it?” His face is white as a sheet and Vader smirks beneath her mask. He clears his throat again in fear. 

“The Emperor commands you contact him at once.” Relief floods through the force and Vader leaves, considering Piett close enough of a comrade to bless him with her exit. 

“Move the ship out of the asteroid belt so that we can make a clear transmission.” She shouts out behind her, the mask amplifying and angering it for her. 

“Yes, Milady.” She hears called after her retreating form.

 

 

She kneels on the floor in front of the hologram of the Emperor. His form is hidden by his large black cloak but Vader prefers it this way, the mans face is too wrinkly and ugly for her to want to ever see it again.

“What is thy bidding, my master?” She says formally, wanting to rip out her own tongue and burn it to ash with her lightsaber. She masks her rage well in her mind, shields in place to hide her rage from her master. He’s got another thing coming to him if he thinks she will forgive him lying about her child’s death and presumably Padmé’s although she knows he is dead. Vader visits his tomb regularly on Empire Day.

“There is a great disturbance in the force.” No kriffing poodoo, Vader wants to spit at him. My son is a disturbance big enough to rip the force from the galaxy. Instead, she answers.

“I have felt it.” 

“We have a new enemy,” don't say it, Vader seethes, “Luke Skywalker.” Vader wants to reach out and choke him where he stands.

“Yes, my Master.” She’s thankful for the mask at the moment, it hides what she knows is inconsolable rage. Rage that can only be sated through thorough revenge.

“He could destroy us.” 

“He is just a boy. Obi-Wan can no longer help him.” She defends. I will not kill my flesh and blood, Anakin Skywalker shouts in her mind. This time, they’re on the same page. Luke Skywalker will not die. 

“The Force is strong in him. The son of Skywalker must not become a Jedi.” My son, my son, my son, mine! Vader is so close to lashing out fatally towards his master and striking him down.

“If he could be turned, he would become a powerful ally.” Vader is reigning in her anger and the dark hisses unpleasantly. She briefly wonders if this is another one of her master’s bogus tests.

“Yes. Yes. He would be a great asset. Can it be done?”

“He will join us or die, my master.”

 

 

She's captured Solo and the Princess, much to her sadistic glee. The Princess is struggling in someone else’s arms this time, watching the one she loves be taken from her. Vader tries not to watch the girl who looks like Padmé struggle but she cant help it. In her quest to capture her son she had promised Solo to Fett in return for his assistance. Watching the Princess now she almost wishes she hadn’t. It’s offered yet another onslaught of painful reminders. The carbon freeze machine is ready and Solo is to be the test subject before she traps Luke there. The only way for Luke to be as successful as she knows her son could be is for him to join her in the dark and take over the Empire as mother and son. Padmé’s lookalike pales in importance to the boy who is on his way to rescue his friends.

“What if he doesn't survive? He’s worth a lot to me.” Fett tells her and she rolls her eyes behind her mask. She doesn't care about Captain Solo in the slightest amount, she just wants her child, her son, to be by her side where he belongs.

“The Empire will compensate you if he dies. Put him in!” She orders hastily, needing to know if it is a viable option to capture her son. The wookie goes nuts and Vader doesn't have the patience to deal with the attachment between Solo and Chewbacca. She hears the droid on his back flipping out and Solo trying to calm him down, pleading with him to save himself. So touching, Vader’s lips pull back in a sneer, teeth bared.The Princess is still struggling but Vader purposefully doesn't look at Padmé’s brown eyes reflected on this young girl. 

“Save your strength, there’ll be another time. The princess- you have to take care of her. You hear me?” The smuggler winks and the cookie wails in sorrowful farewell. Suddenly, the princess launches forward and the two embrace, kissing with an amount of passion that makes Vader want to vomit.

“I love you!” She hears the princess declare, disgust still flowing strongly through her body. Padmé’s look alike should’ve done better, been better. Instead she's just some piece of rebel scum who’s fallen in love with a smuggler. How tragically romantic, two completely separate social classes and they're in love. Gross. The voice in her head telling her about a young slave girl who fell in love with a King is vehemently ignored. Vader knows her history, she doesn't have to relive it. 

“I know.” The princess and the wookie watch as Solo is powered in and Vader is pleased to hear of his survival. Not because she cares whether a worthless smuggler lives or dies, but because now she can transport Luke this way. She sees the tears falling down the face of the princess and is reminded-

 

“Anakin, you're breaking my heart! You're going down a path I can’t follow.”

 

-No! She pointedly looks away. Blast that princess for reminding her so much of Padmé! She’s sure its the only reason the rebel princess remains alive. An imperial officer rushes into the chamber and calls for Vader’s attention which she's all to happy to give.

“Skywalker has just landed, milady.” 

Good, now the fun part begins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comment below and let me know what you think!


	3. Beeps Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> vader and luke meet again

When Young Skywalker enters the room the temperature warms, Vader can feel the warmth inside of her suit. She looks through the glass that allows her vision through her mask before she steps forward, ready to meet her son for the first real time.

“The force is with you, Young Skywalker, but you are not a Jedi yet,” she speaks from the fog, alerting the young blond to her presence. He stumbles up the stairs towards her, blue blade raised in defense. She ignites hers in response. Blue meets red quickly, the boy’s movements clearly more trained than the last time they fought. She swings her blade in a large arc, more than prepared with momentum to meet Skywalker’s blade head on, shoving him backwards in response. Her son is strong, but he is still not fully trained. He stands and the duel begins again, the two taking steps back as her son pushes forward. She doesn’t wish to kill or maim the boy but some intimidation might do him some good, might remind him who is truly in charge. The boy, Luke, she reminds herself, ducks out from a brutal strike, impressing her greatly.

“You have learned much young one,” she praises her boy. He looks like her, blue eyes and blond hair. He has the same little cleft in his chin that she’s always sported, and the same lithe structure she has. She contemplates how this boy has befriended the girl who looks like Padmé briefly, wonders if he loves her when the boy replies.

“You'll find I'm full of surprises,” Luke snarks out, striking up at Vader again with renewed vigor. He’s reckless, leaving his stance too wide and Vader takes her opportunity, swinging up and over, sending her old lightsaber flying away from the boy. She strikes down at his side and he rolls away from her, tumbling down the stairs. Good, she thinks, he’s unarmed and vulnerable. Vader leaps down onto the floor next to her son, ready to win the battle. 

“Your destiny lies with me, Skywalker, Obi-Wan knew this to be true,” she says, trying to herd the boy into the carbon freeze chamber. 

“No.” So sure, so confident. The boy’s reckless Skywalker bravery shines through the calm diplomatic face he’d been keeping solid for the rest of their duel. For a boy who looks so much like his mother, he has the temperament of his father. Finally the boy falls backwards into the pit and Vader resists the urge to fist pump in victory, something she hasn’t done since her padawan days next to Obi-Wan on missions. She allows a smirk to appear and swallows the chuckles that rise in her throat. 

“All too easy,” Vader says, using the force to flip the machine on. She’s still facing the other direction when Skywalker launches from the pit up into the wires above the machine, too caught up in the proud thrill of victory.

“Perhaps you are not as strong as the emperor thought,” she taunts her son who has already, as far as she knows, been frozen. It’s a dig at her master more so than her son, but the dig is obvious. She’s startled when she hears noise from above, looking up to find her son hanging there and decidedly not frozen. Dammit. 

“Impressive… Most impressive…” She strikes up at her son who flips down, moving the steam pipe his mothers face and calling the blue lightsaber into his hand once again. He relights it as she stumbles backwards.

“Obi-Wan has taught you well. You have control of your fear. Now release your anger, only your hatred can destroy me!” She goads as the fight continues, wishing for her son to give in just a tad, to understand her a little more. It will make the transition to her side all that much easier if he is already halfway there by his own volition. Luke flips over his mother and beats back suddenly with harsher strikes. Vader falls over the edge with a harsh grunt, landing on her backside, her helmet connecting with the floor. She discards it, tossing it away from her and prowling after her son, a new anger rising within her. 

The boy is insolent, he will need to be beaten into submission. After all, there is nothing Vader does better than that. She stands and hides herself in the shadows, waiting for her boy to come to her. He quickly does, clearly knowing that fleeing won’t succeed this time and looks around, unable to spot her without the breathing noise from her mask. Both red and blue blades extend but she knows she has to play dirty now. The boy must be made to understand she is the superior force user, the superior to him in general. He is hers and he must know that. The pipe on the wall rips free and rushes towards Luke, but he cuts it in half before impact, Vader engaging him once again in their dancing duel. More objects hurdle towards the boy, his focus quickly faltering and soon he is stumbling back from the blows. When one crashes through the window, she watches her son forced through the gaping hole, quickly moving to the edge to find him scrambling up onto a ledge. Her anger rises, the force a hurricane around her and she stalks down to where she knows he will enter. 

He enters slowly, a new cut on his head from one of the objects she’d hurled at him. A sick feeling curls around her but she ignores it. In order for Luke to take his rightful place by her side she must force him to see why the dark side is stronger than the light. She’s been holding her breath, concealing herself in the shadows when he reaches her. Her blade arcs downward in a red blur. She beats him backwards with harsh blows, her hair blowing out behind her. Forcing him outside, her moving blade scrapes the sides of the metal entrance, sending golden sparks a glow around them in explosive amounts. Her movements are quick, a harsh offense that leaves the opponent only the room for defensive action. Finally, she shoves him downward and stands above him, red point aimed at his nose to make sure he understands that he cannot escape. 

“You are beaten, it is useless to resist. Don’t let yourself be destroyed as Obi-Wan did,” she ignores the force’s ripple at the mention of her former master. The man the used to love more than almost anything. More than even maybe Padmé. Vader is no fool and she knows better than anyone that it’s easiest to hate those you used to love the most. Luke strikes back, anger clear on his face as he shoves upwards again. His violent blows make contact with her shoulder and she hisses, yellow blazing clear and strong in her eyes. The sizzling of her bicep fuels the dark side and her strikes become even more brutal, pushing Luke back onto the edge of the platform. She swings her blade down and up and before she knows it she has maimed the boy. His hand and her old lightsaber fly down into the chasm below and she feels the tingling of long passed pain where her forearm used to exist. Her original mechanical hand flexing instinctively. The force cries at Skywalker’s pain, the light weeping. Vader takes no pleasure in it, just accepts that this is something she has done. She can imagine Padmé’s disappointed frown and shakes it off. She switches her lightsaber off.

“There is no escape… Don’t make me destroy you,” she pleads as she stays frozen on the edge, watching her boy move away from her fearfully. Briefly, she pictures their relationship if she had raised him on Naboo with Padmé beside her and her heart aches with loss. This boy is the prime example of everything she has lost and yet she can’t help but want him next to her forever. 

“Luke, you do not yet realize your importance! You have only begun to discover your power… Join me and I will complete your training. With our combined strength we can end this destructive conflict and bring order to the galaxy.” Luke has crawled to the edge of the pipe at this point, hoisting himself up to hang on to one of the gas collectors Bespin is so famous for. He hangs there, injured arm cradled to his chest.

“I’ll never join you!” The force rings with the truth of it but Vader snarls in it’s face. The force had chosen her at birth and now she was choosing to change it’s decision. Luke was hers, her son and her responsibility. He would join her and they would rule together. 

“If you only knew the power of the dark side! Obi-Wan never told you what happened to your mother…” She trails off, eyes looking into the chasm she’d sent her son’s limb into. Flashbacks of Geonosis where Dooku had severed her arm come back to her in waves and she fights against it. She is not like Dooku, she is doing this for Luke’s own good. 

“He told me enough! He told me you killed her!” The boy hisses at her and finally his hostility makes so much sense. How could you, she screams at the remains of her bond with Obi-Wan. He’s been dead for years at yet she wishes now that he were alive so she could question the traitor fully for what he had done to her. He had made her child believe she was dead. That Darth Vader had killed Anakin Skywalker. How fripping ironic. 

“No… I am your mother,” she says and the force around her rings with honesty. Luke’s eyes grow wide before they narrow, weighted down by the tears that pool in the corner. She feels a maternal instinct to reach out and brush them away to ease the wrinkles that have formed in his distress. The boy is starting to shake, his head moving from side to side as if to dispel the idea from his psych. She curses Obi-Wan again inside of her mind and watches as Luke turns purple with his exertion of trying to stay upright on the gas collector. She knows he hasn’t lost any blood, lightsabers instantly cauterizing the wounds they inflict and yet the boy still looks ill. Vader wonders if the news that she gave birth to him has really driven him to this point of disgust. It probably has considering Luke Skywalker is the hero of the Rebellion. 

“No… It’s not true! That’s impossible!” Her son denies her right as his mother. She feels the course hand of anger fly up again before she forces it down inside. She had tried to force him into submission like she does with her subordinates but it would not be done because she had forgotten one very important factor. Well, two actually. She had forgotten the boys parents. Of course a child of Naberrie and Skywalker blood was as stubborn as a wall. He would not break for fear, he would break for love, just as she had. Too bad Vader had already wasted that particular card in her hand when she allowed Calrissian to take the Princess. 

“Search your feelings, you know it to be true.” Come with me, she doesn’t say, doesn’t plead. She yearns for the family that she had lost over twenty years ago and she just wishes Luke would see that he belongs with his mother, by her side. He is still looking at her like she is the worst thing imaginable however, and she feels hurt for the first time in decades. Since Obi-Wan. She keeps her facial expression clear and smooth despite her insides churning with unease. 

“No!” Her son unleashes his agony, pulling the vowel out in sheer anguish. He had grown up being told his mother was a dead hero, someone to look up to and now he knows that it had all been a lie. The mother he had always wished for to protect him from monsters underneath the bed was the monster he had feared all along. 

“Luke, you can destroy the emperor! He has foreseen this, it is your destiny. Join me and together we can rule the galaxy as mother and son,” she holds her hand out to her son and he looks at it for a second before his gaze moves to the chasm beneath them. In one terrifying second she knows what he is planning and moves against it. 

“Come with me! It is the only way!” Her voice has taken on a desperate edge but Luke seems oblivious to it. He looks into her eyes once more before releasing the tight grip of his remaining hand and falling. Vader does not let him go out of shock. Shock would be using the force to grab him and bring him back to her side where she feels he belongs. However, in this second Vader makes a choice, one she did not know previously she was strong enough to take. And just like that, like all mothers must do at some point, like her own mother did with her long ago, she chooses to let him go. She watches him fall before retreating back to her ship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this took forever to write and I'm very sorry to everyone who has been waiting on it. let me know what you think!

**Author's Note:**

> What did you guys think of chapter 1? i know i have to update my other fics but i couldn't get this idea out of my head. Anyway, enjoy! this will only be a 2 chapter story as her time as vader but i will write others that include female anakin during her padawan training and the clone wars.


End file.
